From e1ad195e85e6f76f238d203e7dd08af9094417cb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Dragon Fire Date: Sun, 15 Nov 2020 10:36:52 -0500 Subject: [PATCH] Yo Mama Command --- README.md | 5 +- assets/json/yo-mama.json | 1042 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ commands/random-res/yo-mama.js | 26 + package.json | 2 +- 4 files changed, 1073 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) create mode 100644 assets/json/yo-mama.json create mode 100644 commands/random-res/yo-mama.js diff --git a/README.md b/README.md index 737ea464..f6265e6d 100644 --- a/README.md +++ b/README.md @@ -260,7 +260,7 @@ in the appropriate channel's topic to use it. ## Commands -Total: 558 +Total: 559 ### Utility: @@ -361,6 +361,7 @@ Total: 558 * **this-for-that:** So, basically, it's like a bot command for this dumb meme. * **word:** Responds with a random word. * **xiao-fact:** Responds with a random fact about Xiao. +* **yo-mama:** Responds with a random "Yo Mama" joke. ### Random Image: @@ -1549,6 +1550,8 @@ here. * http-duck ([API](https://random-d.uk/http)) - [RandomFox](https://randomfox.ca/) * fox (API) +- [rdegges](https://github.com/rdegges) + * yo-mama ([Joke Data](https://github.com/rdegges/yomomma-api/blob/master/jokes.txt)) - [Recipe Puppy](http://www.recipepuppy.com/) * recipe ([API](http://www.recipepuppy.com/about/api/)) - [RedBubble - Akbar Mna](https://www.redbubble.com/en/people/akbarmna/shop) diff --git a/assets/json/yo-mama.json b/assets/json/yo-mama.json new file mode 100644 index 00000000..38924a94 --- /dev/null +++ b/assets/json/yo-mama.json @@ -0,0 +1,1042 @@ +[ + "Yo mama is so fat that her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell \"taxi!\"", + "Yo mama is so fat and dumb that the only reason she opened her email was because she heard it contained spam.", + "Yo mama is so fat she threw on a sheet for Halloween and went as Antarctica.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she looked up cheat codes for Wii Fit", + "Yo mama is so fat that the only exercise she gets is when she chases the ice cream truck.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she has to iron her pants on the driveway.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she left the house in high heels and came back wearing flip flops.", + "Yo mama is so fat that people jog around her for exercise.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the New World.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad.", + "Yo mama is so fat that you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through!", + "Yo mama is so fat that that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean...", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she talks to herself, itgs a long distance call.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the last time she saw 90210, it was on a scale.", + "Yo mama is so fat that light bends around her.", + "Yo mama is so fat that I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she sat on Wal-Mart, she lowered the prices.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she sat on an iphone, it turned into an ipad.", + "Yo mama is so fat that even god can't lift her spirit.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she gets group insurance.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she was zoned for commercial development.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she walked into the Gap and filled it.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she comes at you from all directions.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she climbed onto a diving board at the beach, the lifeguard told your dad \"sorry, you can't park here\".", + "Yo mama is so fat that her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she looks like shegs smuggling a Volkswagen.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guygs word for it.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she sings, itgs over for everybody.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton to display her picture.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she was growing up she didngt play with dolls, she played with midgets.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she uses two buses for roller-blades.", + "Yo mama's so fat she blew up the Deathstar.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she broke the Stairway to Heaven.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she doesngt eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the last time the landlord saw her, he doubled the rent.", + "Yo mama is so fat that Weight Watchers wongt look at her.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the highway patrol made her wear a sign saying \"Caution! Wide Turn\".", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it reads \"one at a time, please\".", + "Yo mama is so fat that she fell in love and broke it.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she gets on the scale it says \"We don't do livestock\".", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she tripped on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.", + "Yo mama is so fat that God couldn't light the Earth until she moved!", + "Yo mama is so fat that even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of June.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she could fall down and wouldngt even know it.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the sign inside one restaurant says, “Maximum occupancy: 300, or Yo momma.”", + "Yo mama is so fat that she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.", + "Yo mama is so fat that her bellybuttongs got an echo.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party.", + "Yo mama is so fat that her belly button doesngt have lint, it has sweaters.", + "Yo mama is so fat that a picture of her would fall off the wall.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she takes a shower, her feet dongt get wet.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she could sell shade.", + "Yo mama is so fat that I ran around her twice and got lost.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when shegs standing on the corner police drive by and yell, “Hey, break it up.”", + "Yo mama is so fat that her blood type is Ragu.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she runs the fifty-yard dash she needs an overnight bag.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she cangt even fit into an AOL chat room.", + "Yo mama is so fat when she goes skydiving she doesn't use a parachute to land, she uses a twin-engine plane!", + "Yo mama is so fat MTX audio's subwoofers couldn't rattle her bones!", + "Yo mama is so fat her headphones are a pair of PA speakers connected to a car amplifier.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she doesngt have a tailor, she has a contractor.", + "Yo mama is so fat that eating contests have banned her because she is unfair competition.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she gets her toenails painted at Luckygs Auto Body.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she has more Chins than a Chinese phone book!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she influences the tides.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she plays hopscotch, she goes \"New York, L.A., Chicago...\"", + "Yo mama is so fat that NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.", + "Yo mama is so fat that they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she's on both sides of the family!", + "Yo mama is so fat that at the zoo, the elephants throw HER peanuts.", + "Yo mama is so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she sets off car alarms when she runs.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she cant reach into her back pocket.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she has her own gravity field.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the only pictures you have of her were taken by satellite cameras.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a \"Malcolm X\" T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!", + "Yo mama is so fat that it took Usain Bolt 3 years to run around her.", + "Yo mama so fat that she sweats more than a dog in a chinese restaurant.", + "Yo mama so fat, that went she stepped in the water, Thailand had to declare another tsunami warning.", + "Yo mama is so fat that that she cant tie her own shoes.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling Free Willy.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she uses redwoods to pick her teeth", + "Yo mama is so fat that she cut her leg and gravy poured out", + "Yo mama is so fat that she was in the Macygs Thanksgiving Day Parade... wearing ropes.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she went on a light diet. As soon as itgs light she starts eating.", + "Yo mama is so fat that shegs half Italian, half Irish, and half American.", + "Yo mama is so fat that her waist size is the Equator.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she cangt even jump to a conclusion.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she uses a mattress for a tampon.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she got hit by a bus, she said, \"Who threw that rock at me?\"", + "Yo mama is so fat that we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay for her because we dressed her up as a Toyota.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she was cut from the cast of E.T., because she caused an eclipse when she rode the bike across the moon.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when you get on top of her your ears pop.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she got hit by a car and had to go to the hospital to have it removed.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she eats \"Wheat Thicks\".", + "Yo mama is so fat that we're in her right now!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she went to the movie theatre and sat next to everyone.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she has been declared a natural habitat for condors.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she wants to shake someones hand, she has to give directions!", + "Yo mama is so fat that even Dora can't explore her!", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she gets on the scale it says \"to be continued\".", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to a resturant, she looks at the menu and says \"okay!\"", + "Yo mama is so fat that even Chuck Norris couldn't run around her.", + "Yo mama is so fat that her neck looks like a dozen hot dogs!", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she's got her own area code!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she has to buy three airline tickets.", + "Yo mama is so fat that whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she's got Amtrak written on her leg.", + "Yo mama is so fat that her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!", + "Yo mama is so fat that I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she wakes up in sections!", + "Yo mama so fat, all she wants for Christmas is to see her feet.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she lies on the beach no one else gets any sun!", + "Yo mama is so fat that that her senior pictures had to be taken from a helicopter!", + "Yo mama is so fat that everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she fell and created the Grand Canyon!", + "Yo mama is so fat that her butt drags on the ground and kids yell - \"there goes santa claus with his bag of toys!\"", + "Yo mama is so fat that even her clothes have stretch marks!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she has to use a VCR as a beeper!", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she asked for a waterbed, they put a blanket over the ocean!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she got hit by a parked car!", + "Yo mama is so fat that they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when we were playing Call of Duty, I got a 20 kill streak for killing her.", + "Yo mama is so fat that Dracula got Type 2 Diabetes after biting her neck.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she visited Toronto's City Hall, she was arrested for attempting to smuggle 500 lbs of crack into Mayor Rob Ford's office.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.", + "Yo mama is so fat that that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she went to church and sat on a bible, Jesus came out and said \"LET MY PEOPLE GO!\"", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she stands in two time zones.", + "Yo mama is so fat that she went to the fair and the kids thought she was a bouncy castle.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the camera TAKES AWAY 10 lbs from her appearance.", + "Yo mama is so fat that her sedan can fit 5 people... or just yo mama with the front seats removed.", + "Yo mama is so fat that when she went to seaworld the whales started singing \"We Are Family\".", + "Yo mama is so fat that she fell out of both sides of her bed.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the stripes on her pajamas never end.", + "Yo mama is so fat, Al Gore accuses her of global warning everytime she farts!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she's got every caterer in the city on speed dial!", + "Yo mama's so fat that when she goes on a scale, it shows her own phone number.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet - she's worldwide.", + "Yo mama's so fat that when she goes on a scale, it reads \"lose some weight\".", + "Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't get dreams, she gets movies!", + "Yo mama's so fat that when she walks, she changes the earth's rotation!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she uses the entire country of Mexico as her tanning bed.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she went to a beautician it took 12 hours... to get a quote!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that people go as her for Halloween.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that the government moved Halloween to her birthday!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she scares the roaches away.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she scared the crap out of the toilet.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that... well... look at you!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back and shakes its head.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she looks like she's been in a dryer filled with rocks.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she makes blind children cry.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she climbed the ugly ladder and didn't miss a step.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her shadow ran away from her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she could scare the flies off a shit wagon.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her birth certificate contained an apology letter from the condom factory.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks down the street in September, people say \"Wow, is it Halloween already?\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that they didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she uploaded a photo of herself to a computer, it was rejected by the anti-virus software.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she joined an ugly contest, they said \"Sorry, no professionals.\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she could make a freight train take a dirt road.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she drove past area 51, she was thought to be extraterrestrial life. They took her away never to be seen again.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints", + "Yo mama is so ugly that you have to tie a steak around her neck so the dog will play with her!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that just after she was born, her mother said \"What a treasure!\" and her father said \"Yes, let's go bury it.\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she made an onion cry!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when I last saw a mouth like hers, it had a hook in it.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she plays Mortal Kombat, Scorpion tells her to \"Stay Over There!\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that neither Jacob nor Edward want her on their team.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she goes to the therapist, he makes her lie on the couch face down.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that even Bill Clinton wouldn't sleep with her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she was born, the doctor slapped her AND her parents!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit by the whole damn tree.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she'd scare the monster out of Loch Ness.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that it looks like she's been bobbing for french fries.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her pillow cries at night.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that people at the circus pay money not to see her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror it says \"viewer discretion is advised.\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that Santa pays an elf to drop off her gifts at Christmas.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said \"\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she went to a beautician it took 12 hours... to get a quote!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that people go as her for Halloween.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that the government moved Halloween to her birthday!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she scares the roaches away.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she scared the crap out of the toilet.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that... well... look at you!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back and shakes its head.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she looks like she's been in a dryer filled with rocks.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she makes blind children cry.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she climbed the ugly ladder and didn't miss a step.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her shadow ran away from her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she could scare the flies off a shit wagon.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her birth certificate contained an apology letter from the condom factory.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks down the street in September, people say \"Wow, is it Halloween already?\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that they didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she uploaded a photo of herself to a computer, it was rejected by the anti-virus software.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she joined an ugly contest, they said \"Sorry, no professionals.\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she could make a freight train take a dirt road.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she drove past area 51, she was thought to be extraterrestrial life. They took her away never to be seen again.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints", + "Yo mama is so ugly that you have to tie a steak around her neck so the dog will play with her!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that just after she was born, her mother said \"What a treasure!\" and her father said \"Yes, let's go bury it.\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she made an onion cry!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when I last saw a mouth like hers, it had a hook in it.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she plays Mortal Kombat, Scorpion tells her to \"Stay Over There!\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that neither Jacob nor Edward want her on their team.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she goes to the therapist, he makes her lie on the couch face down.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that even Bill Clinton wouldn't sleep with her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she was born, the doctor slapped her AND her parents!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit by the whole damn tree.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she'd scare the monster out of Loch Ness.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that it looks like she's been bobbing for french fries.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her pillow cries at night.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that people at the circus pay money not to see her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror it says \"viewer discretion is advised.\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that Santa pays an elf to drop off her gifts at Christmas.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said \"Thanks for bringing her back.\"", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that her face is blurred on her driver's license.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she walked out of her house, the neighbours called animal control.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that the FCC requires her face to be blurred when she's on TV, because of decency rules.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that a sculpture of her face is used when torturing prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that government intelligence agencies have to pixelize her face when spying on her.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she's never seen herself 'cause the mirrors keep breaking.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that it looks like someone did the stanky leg dance on her face.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows.", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she put the Boogie Man out of business!", + "Yo mama is so ugly that she made Barack Obama lose hope!", + "Yo mama was such an ugly baby that her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.", + "Yo mama is like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.", + "Yo mama is like a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day.", + "Yo mama has so many teeth missing, that it looks like her tongue is in jail.", + "Yo mama's mouth is so big that she speaks in surround sound.", + "Yo mama is so grouchy that the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.", + "You suck... yo mama does too, but she charges.", + "Yo mama is like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.", + "Yo mama is like Bazooka Joe, 5 cents a blow.", + "Yo mama is like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.", + "Yo mama is like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.", + "Yo mama is like the sun, look at her too long and you'll go blind.", + "Yo mama is like a library, she's open to the public.", + "Yo mama is like a fine restaurant, she only takes deliveries in the rear.", + "Yo mama is like an ATM, open 24 hours.", + "Yo mama is like a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.", + "Yo mama is like a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.", + "Yo mama is like a Discover card, she gives cash back.", + "Yo mama is like a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.", + "Yo mama is like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.", + "Yo mama is like a microwave, press one button and she's hot.", + "Yo mama is like a mail box, open day and night.", + "Yo mama is like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.", + "Yo mama is like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.", + "Yo mama is like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.", + "Yo mama is like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.", + "Yo mama's such a ho that \"who's your daddy?\" is a multiple-choice question.", + "You'll never be the man Yo mama was.", + "Yo mama... 'nuff said.", + "Yo mama is so lazy that she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.", + "Yo mama is so lazy that she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!", + "Yo mama's arms are so short that she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.", + "Yo mama's lips are so big that Chapstick had to invent a spray.", + "Yo mama is so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.", + "What's the difference between yo momma and a walrus? One has whiskers and smells of fish... the other one is a walrus!", + "Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.", + "Yo mama is so flat that she makes the walls jealous!", + "Yo mama's gums are so black that she spits Yoo-hoo.", + "It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license - she couldn't get used to the front seat!", + "Yo mama's so fat that when she asked me \"what's up?\" I said \"your weight!\"", + "Yo mama is twice the man you are.", + "Yo mama's head is so small that she got her ear pierced and died.", + "Yo mama is cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.", + "Yo mama's head is so small that she uses a tea-bag as a pillow.", + "Yo mama's face is so wrinkled, that she has to screw her hat on.", + "Yo mama's hips are so big that people set their drinks on them.", + "Yo mama's hair is so nappy that she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.", + "Yo mama's feet are so big that her shoes need to have license plates on them!", + "Yo mama's so lonely that she buys hot dogs and nuts wishing she could have sex with them.", + "Yo mama is so bald that even a wig wouldn't help!", + "Yo mama is so bald that you can see what's on her mind.", + "Yo mama is so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed!", + "Yo mama's teeth are so yellow that when she smiles everyone sings \"We're Walking on Sunshine.\"", + "Yo mama is like a slaughter house - everybody's hanging their meat up in her.", + "Yo mama is like the new AOL 4.0: Fun, Fast, Easy and Free!", + "Yo mama is like a carpenter's dream - flat as a board and easy to nail.", + "Yo mama is like Humpty Dumpty - First she gets humped, then she gets dumped.", + "Yo mama is like a bag of potato chips, \"Free-To-Lay.\"", + "Yo mama is like a turtle - once she's on her back she's fucked.", + "Yo mama is like a fan - she's always blowing someone.", + "Yo mama is like Pizza Hut - if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's Free!", + "Yo mama is like a goalie - she only changes her pads after three periods.", + "Yo mama is like a gas station - you gotta pay before you pump!", + "Yo mama is like Sprint - 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.", + "Yo mama is like a Chinese restaurant - All you can eat for only $9.95!", + "Yo mama smells so bad that the doctor diagnosed her with breath cancer.", + "Yo mama's breath smells so bad that when she yawns her teeth duck out of the way.", + "What's the difference between yo mama and a Lay-Z-Boy? One's soft, squishy, and always has someone in it. The other is a chair.", + "What's the difference between yo mama and a 747? About 20 pounds.", + "Yo mama's like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.", + "Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.", + "Yo mama's like cake mix, 15 servings per package!", + "Yo mama's like a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.", + "Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.", + "Yo mama's like the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her.", + "Yo mama's like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.", + "Yo mama's like a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.", + "Yo mama's like a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.", + "Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.", + "Yo mama's like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, there's no wrong way to eat her.", + "Yo mama's like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.", + "Yo mama's like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.", + "Yo mama's like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.", + "Yo mama's like school at 3 o'clock... children keep coming out and nobody can remember all the fathers.", + "Yo mama's like a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter, and she still comes back for more.", + "Yo mama's like a set of speakers - loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.", + "Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.", + "Yo mama's like 7-Eleven - open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.", + "Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner - a real good suck.", + "Yo mama's like a Snickers bar, packed with nuts.", + "Yo mama's like a race car driver - she burns a lot of rubbers.", + "Yo mama's like a parking garage, three bucks and you're in.", + "Yo mama's like a pool table, she likes balls in her pocket.", + "Yo mama's got 1 toe & 1 knee and they call her Tony.", + "Yo mama's got a \"wait\" problem, she can't wait to eat.", + "Yo mama's got a 4 dollar weave and don't know when to leave.", + "Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles it looks like a Kraft Singles pack.", + "Yo mama's got Play-Doh teeth.", + "Yo mama's like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.", + "Yo mama likes to applaud, 'cause she's got clap", + "Yo mama's got 1 leg longer than the other so they call her call her hip hop.", + "Yo mama's got an eating disorder, she be eating dis order, dat order, she be eating all the damn orders!", + "Yo mama sucks so much dick her butt chin turned into a nut chin!", + "Yo mama's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.", + "Yo mama's like a bungee cord... 100 dollars for 30 seconds and if that rubber breaks, your ass is dead!", + "Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.", + "Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.", + "Yo mama's like a tricycle, she's easy to ride.", + "yo mamas like a hardware store. 25 cents a screw.", + "Yo mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.", + "Yo mama's like peanut butter: brown, creamy, and easy to spread.", + "Yo mama's like McDonalds... Billions and Billions served.", + "Yo mama's like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.", + "Yo mama's like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.", + "Yo mama's like lettuce, 25 cents a head.", + "Yo mama's got an eagle's nest wig.", + "Yo mama's twice the man you are.", + "Yo mama's got more crust than a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.", + "Yo mama's got more weave than a dog in traffic.", + "Yo mama's only got one finger and runs around stealing key rings.", + "Yo mama's got a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.", + "Yo mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.", + "Yo mama got hit upside the head with an ugly stick.", + "Yo mama's got so much weave, when a fly goes by her hair swats at it.", + "Yo mama's got no ears and was trying on sunglasses.", + "Yo mama's got so much weave, AT&T uses her extensions as backup lines.", + "Yo mama's got so much dandruff, she needs to defrost it before she combs her hair.", + "Yo mama's so bald that I can tell fortunes on her head.", + "Yo mama's so bald that you could draw a line down the middle of her head and it would look like my ass.", + "Yo mama's so bald that when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.", + "Yo mama's so bald that when she braids her hair, it looks like stitches.", + "yo mama's breath is so stanky, she eats odour eaters.", + "Yo mama's like an iPod, fun to touch!", + "Yo mama's got one leg and people call her Ilene.", + "Yo mama's been on welfare so long that her picture is on food stamps.", + "Yo mama's like Wal-Mart... She's got different discounts everyday.", + "Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she has to look up to tie her shoes.", + "Yo mama's nostrils are so huge she makes Patrick Ewing jealous.", + "Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she has to wear goggles to wash dishes.", + "Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she can stand on her feet and her head at the same time.", + "Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she hits her head on speed bumps.", + "Yo mama's so fat that the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses!", + "Yo mama's so fat that a wingardium leviosa spell couldn't lift her.", + "Yo mama's so fat, she makes Hagrid look like \"Mini-me\".", + "Yo mama's so fat, she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge.", + "Yo mama's so ugly, even a dementor wouldn't kiss her!", + "Yo mama's so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes.", + "Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Dumbledore.", + "Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is a hip hop station on satellite radio.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that the whomping willow saw her and died.", + "Yo mama's so stupid she thinks Patronus is a kind of Tequlia.", + "Yo Mama's so fat, her Patronus is a Double-Whopper with Cheese.", + "Yo mama's so nasty, the Forbidden Forrest was named after her.", + "Yo mama's the reason that Dumbledore turned gay.", + "Yo mama's so old, her boobs look like two upside down Sorting Hats!", + "Yo mama's so fat, she used the invisibility cloak as a bib.", + "Yo Mama's so ugly, everybody calls her \"She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked\"", + "Yo mama's so fat that even the Dementors can't suck her soul out in one sitting.", + "Yo mama's so pasty, she makes Ron Weasely look like George Hamilton.", + "Yo mama's so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!", + "Yo mama's so old she gave Nicholas Flamel his first kiss.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that the Dementor's Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime.", + "Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve", + "Yo mama's so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue", + "Yo mama's so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark on them.", + "Yo mama's so fat that if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill.", + "Yo Mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name.", + "Yo Mama's so poor she can't even afford a Gringotts account.", + "Yo mama's so fat that the sorting hat couldn't decide where to put her - she couldn't fit in any of the houses!!", + "Yo mama's the only mute prostitue in Hogsmeade. They call her \"dumb-le-whore\"!", + "Yo mama's so fat, she ate the Death Eaters.", + "Yo mama's so masculine that Dumbledore would sleep with her!", + "Yo mama's so nasty that the order of the phoenix was \"stay away from that woman!\"", + "Yo mama's so poor that Dobby gave her a sock to keep her foot warm.", + "Yo mama's such a tramp that she's given more rides than the Hogwarts Express!", + "Yo mama's so fat even Grawp can't pick her up!", + "Yo mama's so smelly, Bertie Bott made her his next jelly bean flavor.", + "Yo mama's so fat that it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her!", + "Yo mama's so ugly that she lost a beauty contest to Mountain Troll.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that when the bassalisk snuck up on her and saw her face, HE dropped dead.", + "Yo mama's breath is the secret ingredient in the Weasly's Butterscotch Barf-ies.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that when she walked into Gringotts Wizarding Bank, they gave her a job application.", + "Yo mama's so ugly she turned the Basilisk to stone.", + "Yo mama's such a tramp that she's like a quidditch broomstick - everyone gets a ride.", + "Yo mama's so skanky that the reason you're called a Half-Blood Prince is because she has no idea who your father is!", + "Yo mama's so dumb that a stupify spell actually made her smarter.", + "Yo mama's so stanky that not even dobby would accept one of her socks.", + "Yo mama's so fat that even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks.", + "Yo mama's so old she makes Dumbledore look like a teenager.", + "Yo mama's so fat they'd have to use transfiguration to sneak her through the hole in the Gryffindor Tower.", + "Ya mama's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.", + "Yo mama's so fat the core of her wand has a creame filling.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that Voldemort took one look at her and killed HIMSELF!\"", + "Yo mama's so poor she had to go to the Weasley's for a loan.", + "Yo mama's so ugly, she thought that Hogwarts were the growth on her thigh.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that as a baby they had to use the Confundus Charm so the family would play with her.", + "Yo mama's such a ho that she lets ANYONE enter her \"chamber of secrets\".", + "Yo mama's so ugly she scares the Dementors away.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that when she asked Crabbe to take her to the Yule Ball, he decided to go with Goyle instead!", + "Yo mama's so fat that a $700 billion bailout would only keep her fed for a week.", + "Yo mama's so fat that the housing bubble popped because she sat on it!", + "Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks the G8 is a Value Meal at McDonald's.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she supported the bailout just because she wanted a 'barrel of pork'.", + "Yo mama's so stupid that she thinks sub-prime is a way to cut steak.", + "Yo mama's so fat that even Mitt Romney couldn't afford to take her out to dinner!", + "Yo mama's so fat that her biography is called \"The Audacity of Hardee's\".", + "Yo mama's so greasy that her face could free the U.S. from its dependence on foreign oil.", + "Yo mama's so fat that Sarah Palin can see her from her house.", + "Yo mama's so fat that Sarah Palin can't see Russia anymore!.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that you could put lipstick on a pig and it would look ten times better than her!", + "Yo mama's so fat that \"ACORN\" registered her to vote eight times!", + "Yo mama is so dark that she spits chocolate milk!", + "Yo mama is so dark that she went to night school and was marked absent!", + "Yo mama is so dark that she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.", + "Yo mama is so dark that when she goes swimming it looks like an oil spill.", + "Yo mama is so dark that her ass looks like two tires.", + "Yo mama is so dark that she drinks water and pees coffee.", + "Yo mama is so dark that when she puts on yellow lipstick, she looks like a cheese burger.", + "Yo mama is so dark that she could show up naked to a funeral.", + "Yo mama is so dark that she bleeds molasses.", + "Yo mama is so dark that she looks like a picture of outer-space with no stars... except when she smiles.", + "Yo mama is so dark that when she goes outside, the streetlights turn on.", + "Yo mama is so dark that she got her tattoo done in chalk.", + "Yo mama is so dark that when she puts lotion on her legs it looks like she has on patent leather pants.", + "Yo mama is so dark that when the police shot at her, the bullets came back for flashlights.", + "Yo mama is so dark that she was riding a motorcycle and got a ticket for tinted windows.", + "Yo mama is so dark that when she smiles at night she looks like a pack of floating Chicklets.", + "Yo mama is so dark that when her eyes are red she looks like a beeper.", + "Yo mama is so dark that her nickname is midnight.", + "Yo mama is so dark that she makes asphalt look grey.", + "Yo mama is so dark that that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.", + "Yo mama's so fat that even the Death Star couldn't blow her up!", + "Yo mama's so fat that Spock couldn't find a pressure point to perform the Vulcan Death Grip on her.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that Wuher said 'We don't serve your kind here'.", + "Yo mama's so fat the odds against not finding her fat are approximately 3,720 to 1.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she thought the opening line of Kirk's monologue was \"Spice, the final Frontier...\"", + "Yo mama's so stupid that when the borg had to choose between assimilating her and a tree, they chose the tree.", + "Yo mama's so fat that if she were placed beside a changeling during regeneration, no one would know the difference.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she tried to fly through a temporal anomoly but she didn't fit.", + "Yo mama's so fat she makes Riker's belly look 3 atoms thick.", + "Yo mama's so fat that when she tried to captain a galaxy class they had to separate the saucer so she could fit.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she makes the USS Enterprise look like a micro machines racer.", + "Yo mama's so flatulent that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!", + "Yo mama's so dumb that she tried to rent a car from The Enterprise.", + "Yo mama's so fat that Dexster Jettster mistook her for his wife.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that the term 'bantha poodoo' wasn't used metaphorically with reference to her.", + "Yo mama's so fat that only half her body was able to come out frozen from the carbon freezing chamber in Cloud City.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that Dr. Evazan looks like a male supermodel next to her.", + "Yo mama's so fat that when she beams to a ship, the ship beams inside of her.", + "Yo mama's so such a ho that she slept with me... therefore, I AM YOUR FATHER!", + "Yo mama's so dumb that when she found a vulcan, she tried to call Santa to take him back to the north pole.", + "Yo mama's so fat that the passengers of the Millenium Falcon mistook her for a small moon.", + "Yo mama's so fat that Gardulla the Hutt had a boost in self-esteem after seeing her.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that she made doctor McCoy say \"Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a Zoologist!\"", + "Yo mama's so fat that she fell to the dark side and couldn't get back up.", + "Yo mama's so fat that if she was thrown into the second Death Star's reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.", + "Yo mama's so fat that the Kaminoans couldn't use her as a host for clones since they couldn't pierce her skin deep enough to draw blood.", + "Yo mama's so weak-minded that I got her to lead me to Jabba without using a jedi mind trick!", + "Yo mama's so fat that she caused Kamino to flood when her water broke.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that she's probably a Shi'ido Clawdite that stays in her regular form all the time.", + "Yo mama's so fat that her lack of balance caused her to stumble into an Utapau sinkhole.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she crushed Boga as soon as she mounted her.", + "Yo Mama's so fat, that in an attempt to beam her up, the ship ended up being pulled down to the surface.", + "Yo Mama's so ugly even Data would need special eye googles to look at her.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that the only language she can speak is wookie.", + "Yo mama's so ugly her Kazon hairdo is an improvement!", + "Yo Mama's so ugly even a Ferengi would dress her in clothes.", + "Yo mama's so old even Guinan refers to her as \"old bag\".", + "Yo Mama's so fat that when she walks into a room the replicators stop working.", + "Yo Mama's so fat, Data feels strong emotions of disgust and self-terminates.", + "Yo Mama's so stupid the Borg wouldn't assimilate her!", + "Yo Mama's so fat she wears her own inertia dampener.", + "Yo Mama's so ugly she did the truly impossible: she made Captain James T Kirk's penis go limp.", + "Yo Mama's so fat, she managed to contain a warp core breach.", + "Yo Mama's so fat, she got stuck trying to enter the Nexus.", + "Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she punched a hole in the fabric of space/time.", + "Yo mama's so fat that when she stepped on the scale, her weight was OVER 9000!!!", + "Yo Mama's so fat, she walked in front of the TV and I missed three seasons of Inuyasha!", + "Yo mama's so fat, Naruto couldnt make enough clones to see all sides of her.", + "Yo mama's so ugly, she can't even get tentacle raped.", + "Yo mama's so ugly, even Tamaki wouldn't hit on her.", + "Yo mama's so fat that the Dragon Ball Z crew uses her to make craters on set.", + "Yo mama's so ugly, she's the real reason sasuke left the village.", + "Yo mama's so fat that when she sat down on a park bench, she caused the Naruto timeskip.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that she's like a Death Note. Get someone to look at her, and they'll die!", + "Yo mama's so ugly, Jiraiya saw her and turned gay!", + "Yo mama's so hairy Naruto thought she was a Summon.", + "Yo mama's so fat, she scared L into giving up all sweets.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that she made Spike Spiegel choke on his cigarette", + "Yo mama's so ugly that she makes Sailor Bubba feel dirty.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she cant even fit in the expanding plug suit.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that she made Loz cry.", + "Yo mama's so dumb that when she was handed the death note, she thought they were asking for her autograph.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she broke the HP limit!", + "Yo mama's so hairy and ugly that she got used as Ashitare's stunt double.", + "Yo mama's so stupid she makes Tristan look like Einstein!", + "Yo mama's so fat, she makes Vash look anorexic!", + "Yo mama's so hairy that she has to go to Furfest to meet a man.", + "Yo mama's breath is so nasty that it chases away Miasma.", + "Yo mama's so round that she makes a Pokéball look flat!", + "Yo mama's so ugly, Saya thought she was a Chiropteran.", + "Yo mama's so dumb, she failed out of Cromartie High School.", + "Yo mama's so old and fat they use her wrinkles as set terrain for Dragon Ball Z.", + "Yo mama's nosehairs are so long that they make Bobobo jealous!", + "Yo mama's so fat that she was mistaken for Mt. Fuji at the Sakura festival.", + "Yo mama's so fat she makes a Snorlax look like a chihuahua!", + "Yo mama's so ugly that when Nozomu Itoshiki saw her, he didn't even bother with his \"ZETSUBOUSHITA!\" speech - he skipped straight to hanging himself.", + "Yo mama's so fat that it took the entire Dragon Ball Z crew 1 week just to lift her off the ground.", + "Yo mama's cosplay is so bad that she got beat by a Narutard in the masquerade!", + "Yo mama's so ugly that when Kakashi looked directly at her, he lost an eye.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she tried to eat someone dressed as a box of Pocky!", + "Yo mama's so ugly that she makes Orochimaru look beautiful.", + "Yo mama's so fat, Choji told her to lose weight.", + "Yo mama is so old that her birth certificate says \"expired\" on it.", + "Yo mama is so old that that when she was in school there was no history class.", + "Yo mama is so old that I told her to act her own age, and she died.", + "Yo mama is so old that she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.", + "Yo mama is so old that her social security number is 1.", + "Yo mama is so old that her birth certificate is written in Roman numerals.", + "Yo mama is so old that she has Adam & Eve's autographs.", + "Yo mama is so old that she co-wrote the Ten Commandments.", + "Yo mama is so old that she has an autographed bible.", + "Yo mama is so old she remembers when the Mayans published their calendar.", + "Yo mama is so old that the candles cost more than the birthday cake.", + "Yo mama is so old that when she farts, dust comes out.", + "Yo mama is so old that she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.", + "Yo mama is so old that she drove a chariot to high school.", + "Yo mama is so old that she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.", + "Yo mama is so old that she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party.", + "Yo mama is so old that she walked into an antique store and they kept her.", + "Yo mama is so old that she baby-sat for Jesus.", + "Yo mama is so old that she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.", + "Yo mama is so old that she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.", + "Yo mama is so old that when God said \"Let there be light\" she was there to flick the switch.", + "Yo mama is so old that she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.", + "Yo mama is so old that when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.", + "Yo mama is so old that she learned to write on cave walls.", + "Yo mama is so old that her memory is in black and white.", + "Yo mama is so old that she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible.", + "Yo mama is so old that she planted the first tree at Central Park.", + "Yo mama is so old that she sat next to Jesus in third grade.", + "Yo mama is so old that she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.", + "Yo mama is so old that she knew Cap'n Crunch while he was still a private.", + "Yo mama is so old that she called the cops when David and Goliath started to fight.", + "Yo mama is so old that when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.", + "Yo mamags so old, when she breast feeds, people mistake her for a fog machine.", + "Yo mama is so old that when she was young rainbows were black and white.", + "Yo mama is so old that she was a waitress at the Last Supper.", + "Yo mama is so old that she owes Jesus a dollar.", + "Yo mama is so old that she ran track with dinosaurs.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran out the door with a spoon.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she saw the \"Under 17 not admitted\" sign at a movie theatre, she went home and got 16 friends.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she went for a blood test, she asked for time to study.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she got locked in a grocery store and starved!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that you have to dig for her IQ!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she sold her car for gas money!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she told everyone that she was \"illegitimate\" because she couldn't read.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Dr. Pepper.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put \"OK\".", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought Grape Nuts was an STD.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said \"concentrate\".", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she asked me what yield meant, I said \"Slow down\" and she said \"What... does.... yield... mean?\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she put a phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she put on her glasses to watch 20/20.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she climbed over a glass wall to see what was behind it.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she failed a survey.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go.", + "Yo mama is so stupid, she went to the aquarium to buy a Blu-Ray.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if I had anything written by Bart.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the basement window.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she needs twice as much sense to be a half-wit.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought brownie points were coupons for a bake sale.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when the computer said \"Press any key to continue\", she couldn't find the 'Any' key.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said \"Cherry or Grape?\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she sat in a tree house because she wanted to be a branch manager.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that I saw her jumping up and down, asked what she was doing, and she said she drank a bottle of medicine and forgot to shake it.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she locked her keys in the car, it took her all day to get Yo family out.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she got locked out of a convertible car with the top down.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she pulled into the drive-thru at McDonald's, she drove through the window.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she put 2 quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 cent.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she was on the corner with a sign that said \"Will eat for food.\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that in the 'No Child Left Behind' act there's a provision that exempts yo mama.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she got locked in a Furniture store and slept on the floor.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she peals M&M's to make chocolate chip cookies.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she leaves the house for the Home Shopping Network.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she brought a cup to the movie \"Juice.\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she uses Old Spice for cooking.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she threw a rock the ground and missed.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she went to the store to buy a color TV and asked what colors they had.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she tries to email people by putting envelopes into her computer's disk drive.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she took an IQ test, the results came out negative.", + "Yo mama's so stupid that she though Jar-Jar came with Pickles-Pickles.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought St. Ides was a Catholic church.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.", + "Yo mama is so stupid, that she thought Moby Dick was a sexually transmitted disease.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she took a spoon to the superbowl.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she got stabbed in a shoot out.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she ordered her sushi well done.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said \"Hold the cheese.\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she ran outside with a purse because she heard there was change in the weather.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she wiped her ass before she took a shit.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she tries to insult you with yo mama jokes.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she put a peephole in a glass door.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she saw a \"Wrong Way\" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she shoved a AA battery up her butt and said \"I got the power!\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she sold the house to pay the mortgage.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when I asked her about X-Men she said \"Sure, there's Bobby my first baby daddy, Roger the guy I see on Thursdays...\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought meow mix was a record for cats.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she took lessons for a player piano.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she said \"what's that letter after x\" and I said Y she said \"Cause I wanna know\".", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she asked me what kinda jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said \"Ummm... Levis?\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she asked for a price check at the dollar store.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks a stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she tried to drown a fish.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought Mick Jagger was a breakfast sandwich!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she heard her neighbour was spanking the monkey, she called the humane society.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she took you to the airport and a sign said \"Airport Left,\" she turned around and went home.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she asked you \"What is the number for 911?\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks a quarterback is a refund!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she bought a solar-powered flashlight!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thought menopause was a button on the VCR.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she picked up the phone and asked \"What button do I push?\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when she worked at McDonald's and someone ordered small fries, she said \"Hey Boss, all the small one's are gone.\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she got hit by a parked car.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when her husband lost his marbles she ran to the store and bought him new ones.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when they said they were playing craps she went and got toilet paper.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when I asked her if she wanted to play one on one, she said \"Ok, but what's the teams?\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when the judge said \"Order in the court,\" she said \"I'll have a hamburger and a Coke.\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she wiped her ass before she took a shit.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks socialism means partying!", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when asked on an application, \"Sex?\", she marked, \"M, F, and wrote sometimes Wednesday too.\"", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks deadbeat is a type of music.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she put two M&M's in her ears and thought she was listening to Eminem.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Scorpio.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she wouldn't know up from down if she had three guesses.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a curb.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she put on bug spray before going to the flea market.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she stole free bread.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she locked her keys inside a motorcycle.", + "Yo mama's so stupid that she got locked inside a motorcycle.", + "Yo mama's so stupid that she went to the dentist to get a bluetooth.", + "Yo mama's so stupid that she bought tickets to Xbox Live.", + "Yo mama's so stupid that whenever someone rings the doorbell, she checks the microwave.", + "Yo mama's so stupid that when she broke her VCR, she bought a video tape on how to fix your VCR.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.", + "Yo mama so dumb, she lost a spelling bee to Hodor", + "Yo Mama so dumb, she thought Bran Stark was a type of muffin.", + "Yo mama so fat, they've been calling her \"the wall\" for thousands of years!", + "Yo mama so fat, she Winter-fell and couldn't get up!", + "Yo mama so old, the old gods pray to HER!", + "Yo Mama So Fat, she can't fit through the moon door.", + "Yo Mama so Ugly, she got turned down for \"Girls Gone Wilding\"", + "Yo mama so ugly, winter turned around and left!", + "Yo mama so fat, even Roose Bolton won't touch her", + "Yo mama so bad at sex, the only kind of head she gives is severed.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags and when I asked her what she was doing she said, \"Buying luggage.\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!", + "Yo mama is so poor that she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she can't afford to pay attention!", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said \"moving.\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.", + "Yo mama is so poor that I saw her running after a garbage truck with a shopping list.", + "Yo mama is so poor that the bank repossesed her cardboard box.", + "Yo mama is so poor Nigerian scammers wire HER money!", + "Yo mama is so poor she couldn't afford to apply for Medicare!", + "Yo mama is so poor that she has to wear her McDonald's uniform to church.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she's got more furniture on her porch than in her house.", + "Yo mama is so poor that I came over for dinner and she read me recipes.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she has to take the trash IN.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she lives in a two story Dorrito bag with a dog named Chip.", + "Yo mama is so poor that I went through her front door and ended up in the back yard.", + "Yo mama is so poor that her front and back doors are on the same hinge.", + "Yo mama is so poor that I saw her wrestling a squirrel for a peanut.", + "Yo mama is so poor that the closest thing to a car she has is a low-rider shopping cart with a box on it.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she can't even put her two cents in this conversation.", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I saw her walking down the street with one shoe and said \"Hey miss, lost a shoe?\" she said \"Nope, just found one!\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that her face is on the front of a foodstamp.", + "Yo mama is so poor that I went to her house and tore down some cob webs, and she said \"Who's tearing down the drapes?\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that I stepped on her skateboard and she said \"Hey, get off the car!\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said \"3rd bucket to your right.\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I walked inside her house and put out a cigarette, she said \"who turned off the heater?\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she watches TV on an Etch-A-Sketch.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.", + "Yo mama is so poor that her idea of a fortune cookie is a tortilla with a food stamp in it.", + "Yo mama is so poor that when yo family watches TV, they go to Sears.", + "Yo mama is so poor that burglars break in and leave money.", + "Yo mama is so poor that she married young just to get the rice!", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I went over to her house for dinner and grabbed a paper plate, she said \"Don't use the good china!\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I saw her rolling some trash cans around in an alley, I asked her what she was doing, she said \"Remodeling.\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that I threw a rock at a trash can and she popped out and said \"Who knocked?\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that we were on a road trip and she stopped by a dumpster and got out. I said \"what are you doing\" and she said I'm \"booking a hotel!\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that I walked into her house and swatted a firefly and Yo Mama said, \"Who turned off the lights?\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I asked what was for dinner, she pulled her shoelaces off and said \"Spagetti.\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that after I pissed in your yard, she thanked me for watering the lawn.", + "Yo mama is so poor that your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I ring the doorbell she says,\"DING!\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that she got in an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.", + "Yo mama's so poor, that her doormat doesn't say \"welcome\", it says \"welfare\".", + "Yo mama is so poor that for halloween, her trick was the treat.", + "Yo mama is so poor that when she tells people her address, she says \"it's in the second alley from main street, beside the yellow dumpster.\"", + "Yo mama is so poor that her idea of a timeshare is a few days camped out under a bridge.", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I saw her in the park digging up plants, she said she was \"getting groceries\".", + "Yo mama is so poor that when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!", + "Yo mama's so fat that she expresses her weight in scientific notation.", + "Yo mama's so fat that scientists track her position by observing anomalies in Pluto's orbit.", + "Yo mama's so fat that a recursive function computing her weight causes a stack overflow.", + "Yo mama's so fat that the long double numeric variable type in C++ is insufficient to express her weight.", + "Yo mama's so fat that THX can't even surround her.", + "Yo mama's a convenient proof that the universe is still expanding exponentially.", + "Yo mamags so big that she has a gravitational pull equal to that of the sun.", + "Yo mama's so big that doctors use scuba divers as nanobots to clean her arteries.", + "The mass of yo mama at rest is approximately equal to that of a neutron star traveling at (1-(10^-1000))c.", + "Yo mama's so slow and dumb that she can be emulated on a 286.", + "Yo mama conforms to Planck's law - the greater the frequency with which she screws, the more energetic she gets.", + "Yo mama's like a converging lens - she's wider in the middle than she is on either end.", + "Yo mama's dumber than an augmented rat.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she and the great wall of China are used as reference points when astronauts look back at the Earth.", + "Yo mama's such a ho that even the noble gases are attracted to her.", + "Yo mama's so promiscuous that electrons have a positive charge when they're around her.", + "Yo mama's so stupid that her exchange particle is a \"moron\".", + "Yo mama's so fat that China uses her to block the internet.", + "Yo mama's so fat that NASA shot a rocket into her ass looking for water.", + "Yo mama's so dumb that she went to the dentist and asked for a bluetooth.", + "Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't just have a low center of gravity, she has an elliptical orbit.", + "Yo mama's so fat that IEEE is working on a wifi protocol so people can get the signals to reach users on opposite sides of her. It's called 802.11 Draft Fat Momma", + "If we were to code your mom in a C++ function she would look like this: double mom (double fat){ mom(fat);return mom;}; //your mom is recursively fat.", + "Yo mama's so old that she goes on carbon dates.", + "Yo mama's so fat, the cyberman DOWNgraded her.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that Dalek's don't actually say 'Exterminate' when they see her, because they figure somebody else already got there first!", + "Yo mama's such a drunk, that her sonic screwdriver is made of vodka and orange juice.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that when she looks into the Tardis, the Tardis doesn't look into her.", + "Yo mama's so ugly that when the Daleks Exterminate her, it's not for domination.", + "Yo mama's such a hoe that the nickname for her vagina (Bad Wolf) is scattered across time and space.", + "Yo mama's so fat, she's bigger than both the outside AND the inside of the Tardis", + "Yo mama's so ugly that when Captain Jack Harkness saw her, he actually died.", + "Yo mama's so fat, the Pirate Planet tried to take her over.", + "Yo mama's so lazy, she's a \"part-time\" lord", + "Yo Mama's so fat that when she got upgraded by the cybermen, they turned her into an ice cream truck", + "Yo mama's so stupid that when Cassandra says \"Moisturize!\", she begins to sweat.", + "Yo mama's so fat, the Doctor caught her eating his psychic paper, thinking it was a burger.", + "Yo mama's such a noisy hoe, her nickname is the sonic screwdriver!", + "Yo mama's so fat, it doesn't matter that the Tardis is bigger on the inside. She can't get through the door.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she turned sideways and disappeared.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she hula hoops with a Cheerio.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she has to wear a belt with spandex.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she can see out a peephole with both eyes.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that you can save her from drowning by tossing her a Fruit Loop.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she has to run around in the shower to get wet.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that when she wore her yellow dress, she looked like an HB pencil.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that if she had a sesame seed on her head, she'd look like a push pin.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that her nipples touch.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that I could blind-fold her with dental floss.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she looks like a mic stand.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she only has one stripe on her pajamas.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she can dodge rain drops.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she inspires crack whores to diet.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she uses Chapstick for deodorant.", + "Yo mama is so small that she goes paragliding on a Dorito.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she would look like a zipper.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she goes hot tubbing with the Mini Wheats Man.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that when she takes a bath and lets the water out, her toes get caught in the drain.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that her bra fits better when she wears it backwards.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that if she had a yeast infection she'd be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that her pants only have one belt loop.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that if she had dreads I'd grab her by the ankles and use her to mop the floor.", + "Yo mama is so skinny that instead of calling her your parent, you call her transparent.", + "Yo mama is so tall that she tripped in Michigan and bumped her head in Florida.", + "Yo mama is so tall that she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.", + "Yo mama is so tall that if she did a back-flip she'd kick Jesus in the mouth.", + "Yo mama's so tall, she can see her house from anywhere.", + "Yo mama's so tall, she uses two 100-foot ladders as crutches.", + "Yo mama's so tall, she has to take out the driver's seat of her car and sit in the back to operate the vehicle.", + "Yo mama's so tall, she makes Shaquille O'Neal look like Gary Coleman.", + "Yo mama's so tall, she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun.", + "Yo mama is so short that you can see her feet on her drivers license!", + "Yo mama is so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.", + "Yo mama is so short that she does backflips under the bed.", + "Yo mama is so short that she models for trophys.", + "Yo mama is so short that her homies are the Keebler Elfs.", + "Yo mama is so short that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.", + "Yo mama is so short that when she sneezes, she hits her head on the floor.", + "Yo mama is so short that she does pull-ups on a staple.", + "Yo mama is so short that she can do push-ups under the door.", + "Yo mama is so short that when I was dissin' her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.", + "Yo mama is so short that she can limbo under the door.", + "Yo mama is so short that she uses a condom for a sleeping bag.", + "Yo mama is so short that she slam-dunks her bus fare.", + "Yo mama is so short that she has to look up to look down.", + "Yo mama is so short that she makes Gary Coleman look like Shaquille O'Neal.", + "Yo mama is so short, you can make a life size sculpture of her using one can of Play-Doh.", + "Yo mama's so short that when she sat on the curb her feet didn't touch the ground.", + "Yo mama is so short that she can play handball on the curb.", + "Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip that she braids it.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that Bigfoot wants to take HER picture!", + "Yo mama is so hairy that she looks like she has Buckwheat in a headlock.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that you almost died of rugburn at birth!", + "Yo mama is so hairy that they filmed \"Gorillas in the Mist\" in her shower!", + "Yo mama is so hairy that if she could fly she'd look like a magic carpet.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that she looks like Bigfoot in a tank top.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that she has afros on her nipples.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that when I took her to a pet store they locked her in a cage.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that Jane Goodall follows her around.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that the only language she can speak is wookie.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that she shaves her legs with a weedwacker.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that if you shaved her legs, you could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.", + "Yo mama's so hairy that she's got sideburns on her tits.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that she got a trim and lost 20 pounds.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that people run up to her and say \"Chewbacca, can I get your autograph?\"", + "Yo mama is so hairy that she gets mistaken for Chewbacca's cousin.", + "Yo mama is so hairy that two birds made nests in her armpits and she doesn't even know about it!", + "Yo mama is so hairy that when she's at a nude beach people think she's wearing a fur coat!", + "Yo mama is so dirty that that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation concerns.", + "Yo mama is so dirty that she makes mud look clean.", + "Yo mama is so dirty that that you can't tell where the dirt stops and she begins.", + "Yo mama is so dirty that she has to creep up on bathwater.", + "Yo mama is so dirty that she loses weight in the shower.", + "Yo mama is so dirty that even Swamp Thing told her to take a shower.", + "Yo mama is so dirty that the US Government uses her bath water as a chemical weapon.", + "Yo mama is so dirty that when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out and said \"I'll wait.\"", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she has more rappers in her than an iPod.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she makes speed stick slow down.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she brings crabs to the beach.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that the fishery pays her to stay away.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that I chatted with her on MSN and she gave me a virus.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that her tits leak sour milk.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she has to use Right Guard and Left Guard.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she bit the dog and gave it rabies.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she has a sign by her crotch that says: \"Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts.\"", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she's got more clap than an auditorium.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she calls Janet \"Miss Jackson.\"", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she has more crabs then Red Lobster.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that she made right guard turn left.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that I when I talked to her on the phone, she gave me an ear infection.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that next to her a skunk smells sweet.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that her shit is glad to escape.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that when you were being delivered, the doctor was wearing the oxygen mask.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that every time she opens her mouth she's talking shit.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that even dogs won't sniff her crotch.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that the only dis I want to give her is a disinfectant.", + "Yo mama is so nasty that her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.", + "Yo mama is so greasy that she uses bacon as a band-aid!", + "Yo mama is so greasy that she sweats Crisco!", + "Yo mama is so greasy that Texaco buys Oil from her.", + "Yo mama is so greasy that she sweats butter and syrup and has a full time job at Denny's wiping pancakes across her forehead.", + "Yo mama is so greasy that her freckles slipped off.", + "Yo mama is so greasy that if Crisco had a football team, she'd be the mascot.", + "Yo mama is so greasy that she squeezes Crisco from her hair to bake cookies.", + "Yo mama is so greasy that she's labeled as an ingredient in Crisco.", + "Yo mama is so greasy that you could fry a chicken dinner for 12 on her forehead.", + "Yo mama is so greasy that I buttered my popcorn with her leg hairs.", + "Yo mama's house is so dirty that roaches ride around on dune buggies!", + "Yo mama's house is so dirty that she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.", + "Yo mama's teeth are so rotten that when she smiles it looks like she has dice in her mouth.", + "Yo mama's teeth are so yellow that traffic slows down when she smiles!", + "Yo mama's teeth are so yellow that she spits butter!", + "Yo mama's so dirty, she fertilizes her lawn by rolling in it!", + "Yo mama's so dirty, when a seed gets stuck in her ass crack it beings to grow!", + "Yo mama's so dirty, she jumped in a river and created a mud slide!", + "Yo mama's so dirty, when the wind blows people yell \"Sand Storm!!!\"", + "Yo mama's so greasy, on hot days she cooks bacon strips on her ass cheeks!", + "Yo mama is so fat that she took geometry in high school just cause she heard there was gonna be some pi.", + "Yo mama is so fat that the ratio of the circumference to her diameter is four.", + "Yo mama is so fat that her derivative is strictly positive.", + "Yo mama is like a protractor - she's good at every angle.", + "Yo mama is so fat that in a love triangle, she'd be the hypotenuse.", + "Yo mama is so stupid that when I told her \"pi-r-squared\" and she replied no, they are round.", + "The limit of yo mama's ass goes to infinity.", + "Yo mama = x/0 for every x in yo mama.", + "The infinite series of yo mama from 0 to infinity is strictly diverging.", + "Yo mama is so mean that she has no standard deviation.", + "Yo mama is so ugly, that Pythagoras wouldn't touch her with a 3-4-5 triangle.", + "Yo mama is so square that she's got imaginary numbers on her social security card.", + "Yo mama is such a ho, that she asked all the math majors to to figure out g(f(your mom)) just so they could \"f\" her first.", + "The volume of yo mama is an improper integral.", + "The integral of yo mama is fat plus a constant, where the constant is equal to more fat.", + "Yo mama's muscle-to-fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.", + "The only way to get from point A to point B is around yo mama's fat ass.", + "Yo mama's so smart, the hardest decision she's ever had to make was which college to accept a scholarship from - Harvard, Yale or Princeton!", + "Yo mama's so clean, she could bottle her bathwater and sell it at the grocery store alongside Evian, Dasani and FIJI.", + "Yo mama's so generous that she sponsors children in Africa, Asia AND South America!", + "Yo mama's so popular that Facebook crashed on her birthday, because too many people posted wishes on her wall.", + "Yo mama's such a good cook that her vegetable lasagna could be served as the featured item at a Michelin Star restaurant!", + "Yo momma's so healthy that medical textbooks use her x-rays to demonstrate what perfect bone structure should look like.", + "Yo mama's breath smells so fresh that Wrigley's could make a chewing gum flavour based on it.", + "Yo mama's so fit that she could run a marathon, teach a Zumba class AND climb Mount Everest without stopping to catch her breath once.", + "Yo mama's so fashionable that Gucci, Prada and Fendi call her on a daily basis to get insight into upcoming fashion trends.", + "Yo mama's aging with such grace and beauty that she could be featured on the cover of Elle magazine.", + "Yo mama's like a puppy... everybody wants to give her a hug.", + "Yo mama's so smart that an employee from Wikipedia calls her when they need to verify facts about 18th century political figures." +] diff --git a/commands/random-res/yo-mama.js b/commands/random-res/yo-mama.js new file mode 100644 index 00000000..7b6b5e23 --- /dev/null +++ b/commands/random-res/yo-mama.js @@ -0,0 +1,26 @@ +const Command = require('../../structures/Command'); +const jokes = require('../../assets/json/yo-mama'); + +module.exports = class YoMamaCommand extends Command { + constructor(client) { + super(client, { + name: 'yo-mama', + aliases: ['your-mama'], + group: 'random-res', + memberName: 'yo-mama', + description: 'Responds with a random "Yo Mama" joke.', + credit: [ + { + name: 'rdegges', + url: 'https://github.com/rdegges', + reason: 'Joke Data', + reasonURL: 'https://github.com/rdegges/yomomma-api/blob/master/jokes.txt' + } + ] + }); + } + + run(msg) { + return msg.say(jokes[Math.floor(Math.random() * jokes.length)]); + } +}; diff --git a/package.json b/package.json index 0aaad79e..c4770394 100644 --- a/package.json +++ b/package.json @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ { "name": "xiao", - "version": "119.42.2", + "version": "119.43.0", "description": "Your personal server companion.", "main": "Xiao.js", "scripts": {