diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
index eeded0e5..d6ada9a1 100644
--- a/README.md
+++ b/README.md
@@ -132,7 +132,7 @@ in the appropriate channel's topic to use it.
 
 ## Commands
 
-Total: 402
+Total: 404
 
 ### Utility:
 
@@ -205,6 +205,7 @@ Total: 402
 * **subreddit:** Responds with a random post from a subreddit.
 * **suggest-command:** Suggests a random command for you to try.
 * **superpower:** Responds with a random superpower.
+* **the-onion:** Responds with a random "The Onion" article.
 * **this-for-that:** So, basically, it's like a bot command for this dumb meme.
 * **waifu:** Responds with a randomly generated waifu and backstory.
 * **would-you-rather:** Responds with a random "Would you rather ...?" question.
@@ -1129,6 +1130,8 @@ here.
 	* tv-show ([API](https://www.themoviedb.org/documentation/api))
 - [The Newspaper Clipping Generator](https://www.fodey.com/generators/newspaper/snippet.asp)
 	* newspaper (API)
+- [The Onion](https://www.theonion.com/)
+	* the-onion ([RSS Feed](https://www.theonion.com/rss))
 - [The Yoda-Speak Generator](https://www.yodaspeak.co.uk/)
 	* yoda (API)
 - [This Waifu Does Not Exist](https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/)
diff --git a/commands/random-res/the-onion.js b/commands/random-res/the-onion.js
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..1aaa44da
--- /dev/null
+++ b/commands/random-res/the-onion.js
@@ -0,0 +1,37 @@
+const Command = require('../../structures/Command');
+const RSS = require('rss-parser');
+const { stripIndents } = require('common-tags');
+
+module.exports = class TheOnionCommand extends Command {
+	constructor(client) {
+		super(client, {
+			name: 'the-onion',
+			aliases: ['onion'],
+			group: 'random-res',
+			memberName: 'the-onion',
+			description: 'Responds with a random "The Onion" article.',
+			credit: [
+				{
+					name: 'The Onion',
+					url: 'https://www.theonion.com/',
+					reason: 'RSS Feed',
+					reasonURL: 'https://www.theonion.com/rss'
+				}
+			]
+		});
+	}
+
+	async run(msg) {
+		const parser = new RSS();
+		try {
+			const feed = await parser.parseURL('https://www.theonion.com/rss');
+			const article = feed.items[Math.floor(Math.random() * feed.items.length)];
+			return msg.say(stripIndents`
+				${article.title}
+				${article.link}
+			`);
+		} catch (err) {
+			return msg.reply(`Oh no, an error occurred: \`${err.message}\`. Try again later!`);
+		}
+	}
+};
diff --git a/package.json b/package.json
index 621b516e..f66b07b7 100644
--- a/package.json
+++ b/package.json
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 {
 	"name": "xiao",
-	"version": "113.17.1",
+	"version": "113.18.0",
 	"description": "Your personal server companion.",
 	"main": "Xiao.js",
 	"scripts": {
@@ -50,6 +50,7 @@
 		"moment-timezone": "^0.5.28",
 		"node-superfetch": "^0.1.10",
 		"random-js": "^2.1.0",
+		"rss-parser": "^3.7.6",
 		"soap": "^0.31.0",
 		"winston": "^3.2.1"
 	},